KENYA’S MOST ANNOYING TRIBES

Born Kenyan, Raised Kenyan both from the village and the town point of view, I have come to notice a couple of units which really, should be what we fight against. Not the 42 individual beautiful tribes that we are made to believe are the necessary evil. Here’s a couple:

a. The Matatu Tribe
OH Goodness, where to begin my lamenting! From driving on the sidewalks and insulting you, the pedestrian insisting that you want to be run over, to insulting an old woman who is trying her best to cross the street as fast as her frail body can telling her to take her age elsewhere… (Whatever that means) This is the biggest tribe to be shunned on so many counts of irresponsibility, recklessness and habits that only one can perceive as ungodly. NB: Not all Matatu Drivers and Touts do this just a vast majority especially here in the City of Nairobi.

b. The ‘Socialites’ Tribe
When did our girls become this cheap? Become this senseless? Become this classless? When exactly did our parents let us off the leash, completely? We all know from a certain perspective that indeed we really do not have real socialites but let’s just settle on calling some random, no-so-hot, ratchet girls that. Let’s also put them on literally every paper as soon as they come asking and begging for attention. While at it, why not pay them hundreds of thousands to appear on commercials and videos? #icant

c. The MPigs Tribe
This is a song whose tune has been sung and continues to be sung and will still be sung as long as we never change our thoughts and begin acting and thinking as individuals instead of weird units. Truth be told, NONE of us have ever had a Parliamentarian bring them food to their house in the evening especially after following them around in the name of rallies let alone invite you to their Mansions in the suburbs for a drink of water. NONE of them ever paid your child’s fees. In fact there’s a chance that some of them have slept with your daughters, classmates and will sleep with your children just for a buck and a drink. Oh, I have your attention now? Good.

d. The ‘Classic105’ Lamenter’s Tribe
Oh Goodness! Aren’t those two guys great at their jobs? They rake in millions and also serious listener and caller ratings. Anyway, my issue is with most of these callers. Men and women who call in to justify infidelity. The brainwashing of so many women to acceptance of some weird accepted norm that ‘All men must cheat’, Those who call to shame their spouses, the mother of their children, that man you go home to, that woman who cleans your undies even after soiling them while in another woman’s house. Yes!! That tribe should be shunned.

e. The ‘Sponsor’ Tribe
Here we are again, most of the politicians and wealthy businessmen fall here. They pick these poor boys and girls from their dorms just outside campuses in sleek German machines and take them to specific known locations and hideouts. She or He is most probably 19 or 20, from the village and has never tasted alcohol, barely has money on them to buy their basic necessities and that pot-bellied warthog-faced man or woman is in her 40’s and 50’s, wealthy and bored. Whatever the situation, there’s so many things wrong with the picture. Shun these people!!

f. The ‘Toa-Kitu’ Tribe
Be it Kitu Kidogo or Kitu Kikubwa. This weekend, I took a matatu to Nanyuki and on my way back to Nairobi, there were probably 10 roadblocks and on each block, the driver always shook the hand of one of the cops. We all know what was going on. In public offices, be it trying to get a passport (mind you which you’ve paid a couple thousand for) you will still be asked to part with a couple more for you to get it within a specified period. Owe unto you if you’re in urgent need.

I most probably haven’t spotted each and every of these shunned people but trust me, there will be a Part 2. For a better people, individually and as units, for a better country and its leaders, for growth as individuals and as a nation, we need to shun these tribes. Do away with them as much as we can for our sake, our children’s sake and our children’s children’s sake.

Blessings and Love,